I am not the best at reflecting. It is so important to be able to look back and just sit on past moments. Not me though, I’ll do it to recall a memory and move on! I am a full speed AHEAD type of guy. Sometimes to a fault. The only time I am really good at reflecting is when I am actually evaluating something. I have got a gift for taking something so unnecessary to evaluate, and I’ll spend 15 minutes processing about it and give it a a mental grade.
I try and avoid reflecting when it comes to simply looking back and seeing what has come of things. If I was really honest I am fearful of reflection because I do the same two things every time:
1. Why am I still HERE?
When I look at what’s gone in the past and actually start reflecting I start to just see all the inconsistencies, lack of discipline, and negligence on my part where I just get mad at myself. It’s defeating really. I sit there and think, Eight months ago I was struggling with the EXACT SAME THING – it’s like I’m a little baby(hmmmm’ that’s what we are compared to them in Scripture).
2. Is that ALL?
Once again same thing – I am a dreamer and set lofty goals and usually have huge expectations that are never reached. For example, I remember when I was in second grade I told multiple people in my class that I will be on ESPN, not as a professional athlete, but as a broadcaster.
Well I got close…. Yikes!
But reflection causes us to see true colors, and true performance of how we “did” so to speak. Or even how we measured up to what ourselves, or others were assuming would happen. More often than not I do the same thing – man is that ALL that I really did? Once again, enter defeat.
Jesus talks a lot about “remembering” when he is alive on Earth. He is passionate about reflection and being able to see the bigger picture, the silver lining if you will. Most of Jesus’ “remember” remarks are connected not with our past at all – actually we aren’t asked to remember our past or even look back to them….
“Do this in remembrance of me.” Luke 22:19
Our reflection should be on GLORIOUS things, we should reflect on glory, not on tribulation. Now reflection and rememberance in Scripture is more of a “marvel” or “be moved by”, not just a physical recollection. We should recall tribulation, sin and trial – but we should REMEMBER Jesus. We should marvel at the beautiful fact that “it is finished”.
This is great news because my wife and I are in a massive stage of reflecting on what is about to be the past because we are about to uprooting everything and changing a lot of consistent things in our life here in about 2-3 months.
Let’s go ahead and just lay out this starting line up on team Change:
1. Having our 1st baby 2. Taking a new job 3. Moving to a new city where we know almost no one 4. Buying a house 5. About 8 hours away from family.
It’s the Dream Team!
With all that coming, Now it’s my turn to REFLECT – MARVEL – BE MOVED BY – Our time in Waco… I have had a ton of time to not only have sleepless nights about all thats COMING our way, but also all that we are leaving behind. And I had a sweet moment to just remember, and marvel at Jesus and the past three years working in Waco. These things have created deep worship in Emmy Jo and I and we have been given a glorious gift from the Lord with these things:
- Our marriage – the fact that the Lord divinely gave use each other is just incredible. I mean, come on, Emmy Jo is smokin! But also, just being able to laugh and have a blast together these past two years and do it in Waco, where our alma mater is – it truly has refined us into looking more like Jesus and also we are slowly taking on the character qualities of each other which has been so sweet to see.
- Our ministry – K-Life, there isn’t words that can be said without tears following. I love this ministry. We have labored over the kids in this ministry. And God has answered in mighty ways that I could never see happening. I have seen kids that did not believe in ANY God, now love and follow the one TRUE God and leading their girlfriends that direction as well. I have seen a group of awkward 7th grade girls turn into 18 year old women who have hearts to bring the Gospel to their families who don’t love the Jesus, friends who need Jesus, and enemies who think they don’t want Jesus. I have seen reconciliation in homes that only the power of the Holy Spirit could do. And last, I have been able to come alongside college students and see them mold to Jesus likeness – these people will be husbands and wives one day, they will be mothers and fathers one day – and I have gotten the gift of joining the Holy Spirit in preparing them to lead their households waving the banner of the Gospel of Jesus!
- Our community – Emmy Jo and I have had some sweet and unique opportunities to both separately and together disciple and mentor people who are now some of our dearest friends. We have seen a lot of people come and go in Waco, and now that it is our turn we are marveling at all the individuals at our local church and Baylor community that have fervently prayed for us and with us for our lives. What a rich, rich time for us.God has been so good to us. He has stretched us. And he is continually completing a perfect work in us. We are so humbled and thankful that we get these last two months in Waco – we are expecting and praying for more richness from our community, ministry, and marriage during this time.
Though our hearts are heavy; they are full.